Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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