Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
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