Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
