Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
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You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
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I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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