dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
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