it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
