Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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