I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
where are my eyebrows?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
