R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
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