She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
