tonight lets celebrate not being married
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
