its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
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I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
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Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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