so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
