so explain again why im purple
no
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
