It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
