guys are not supposed to queef...right?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
