He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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