1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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