Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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