I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
