Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Thank you for not boning my boss.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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