I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
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Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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