He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
