she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
