Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
