3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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