Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
