yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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