i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
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He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
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Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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