Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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