So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
