her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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