she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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