we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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