I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
