His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
