omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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