grandma shit on top of the toilet
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
