10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
