This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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