how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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