after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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