How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
