i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
