I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
