What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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