Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
