I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just google imaged poop.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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