I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
