I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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