Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
