Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
