Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink