I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2