dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
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His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
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That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking