There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
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An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.