god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
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I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
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He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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