he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga