Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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