Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
