we have pet lesbian snakes
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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