i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
