i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
