i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
