dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
