I didn't shave. On purpose
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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