I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
