You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
