I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
