Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
