dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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