saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
