guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
