overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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