I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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