Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
