I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
