Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Two words: nipple clamps
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