So drunk its hurt
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
