i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
