Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
