spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
