Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
