You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I checked into jail on foursquare
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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