I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
4 words: hood of his car
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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